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๐ŸŽ Naked Confidenceโ„ข Advent Calendar - K to Q ๐ŸŽ



Welcome to the third & penultimate instalment of my Naked Confidenceโ„ข Advent Calendar!

If you missed the two previous weeks, click here for A - C, and click here for D - J.



โœด๏ธ K IS FOR KINDNESS โœด๏ธ


How kind are you, to YOU? ๐Ÿค”


Most of us recognise the importance of being kind to others


- while beating ourselves up inside our heads ๐Ÿ˜ฉ



As the saying goes, you'd never speak to a friend or a child the way you speak to yourself ๐Ÿ˜”


And this is especially true with #ImposterSyndrome, when that inner Critic is louder and more vicious than most ๐Ÿฅบ



๐ŸŽ K's ACTION


Take a moment, and picture yourself as a young child - maybe under 10.


Really look at that little you


- see the clothes you're wearing, the hairstyle, the expression on your face ๐Ÿง’


Then remember that little you is still inside you โœจ



When you next notice you beating yourself up (see A for self-Awareness!)


- picture that little child again, and then talk directly to them.


You will notice your language change! ๐Ÿ˜Š


Learning compassion and self-kindness is such an important step ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—


โœด๏ธ L IS FOR LANGUAGE ๐ŸŽโœด๏ธ


Do you "ALWAYS", or "NEVER", do something? ๐Ÿค”


What about those things you "SHOULD" or "OUGHT TO" be doing...? ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ



Language can be very dangerous.


As one of my favourite quotes says,


๐ŸŒŸ "watch what you tell yourself - you might be listening..."



๐Ÿ’ก When we use black and white language (always/ never)...


...or imperative obligations (should/ought to)...



โ›”๏ธ we're creating limits for ourselves.


โ—๏ธor a stick to beat ourselves up with ๐Ÿ˜ฉ


And feeding that Imposter...



๐ŸŽ L's ACTION


So today, watch your language!


Add in "SOMETIMES", or "YET" - so much growth mindset magic in those three little words ๐ŸŒฑโœจ


and turn "SHOULDs" into "WANTs" or "WISHes".


Your mindset will thank you! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ’ช



โœด๏ธ M IS FOR MIRROR ๐ŸŽโœด๏ธ


When you consider your abilities and achievements, do you give yourself a TRUE reflection? ๐Ÿค”


Or is it like you're looking in a fun house mirror - all distorted and wonky...? ๐Ÿ˜”



โŒ So many of my clients don't realise their own value.


โŒ They aren't willing to own their positives.


โŒ They don't lean into their strengths.



๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ "Anyone could have done it..."


๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ "But it was a fluke!"


๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ "I only achieved it because of the team around me..."



โ—๏ธIf we can't see how great we are - honestly, how can we ever hope to convince anyone else...?



๐ŸŽ M's ACTION


Make that choice to own your strengths! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ช


Here's two options:


โœ… Easy: when someone compliments you, don't deflect it or undermine it - simply say "thank you".


โœ… Harder: email/ text 5-10 friends & colleagues and ask them to describe you in 5-10 words.



Go for the harder one if you can


- when I do this with my clients, it can be a radical experience for them to realise what other people really think of them... ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ”ฅ




โœด๏ธ N IS FOR NEUROPLASTICITY ๐ŸŽโœด๏ธ


Imagine a field with a gate at either side ๐ŸŒพ


As people walk between the two gates, the grass is worn away and a path is created...


...which means people are even more likely to walk that path in the future.


BUT if one of those gates is moved, a NEW path is created - and the grass regrows over the old path ๐ŸŒŸ



The same happens in the brain!


Every thought you think fires a neural pathway in your brain โšก๏ธ


The more often you think a thought, the more embedded that pathway becomes (physically - the synapses literally move closer together)...


...meaning you're more likely to think that thought again.



๐Ÿ˜ฉ If that thought is negative (eg "I'm a fraud"), this is not helpful


๐Ÿ˜ But just like the grass in that field, if you choose to consistently redirect your thought (eg to "I can do this")...


...that negative pathway will over time wither, and the new POSITIVE thought will become the default ๐Ÿ”ฅ



I know this to be true, because I've done it.


I used to have very ingrained Imposter-fuelled negative pathways, which led me to chronic fatigue and panic attacks.


But then I learned how to change my thoughts - and I haven't been ill since ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’ช



๐ŸŽ N's ACTION


When you find yourself in a negative thought pattern, ask yourself,


๐Ÿ’ก "is this thought helpful to me?"


And if the answer is no, change it to one that is!



โŒ Eg FROM: "I'm going to be terrified when I have to speak up in that meeting"


โœ… TO: "I am going to be calm and confident and express myself clearly"



Don't worry at this stage about whether or not you believe it!


The most important priority is to NOT further embed the negative thought, but instead work on building a more positive pathway.


If you build it, the belief will come... ๐Ÿ˜‰โœจ


(Anyone else remember Field of Dreams...? ๐Ÿ˜‰)




โœด๏ธ O IS FOR ORGANISATION ๐ŸŽโœด๏ธ


A very common fear among my clients is that they're going to drop the ball


- and it's all going to come tumbling down around them... ๐Ÿฅบ



But the truth is, there is a direct relationship between your organisation (or lack of it) and your #ImposterSyndrome.


๐Ÿ’ก Because you feel overwhelmed, it makes your Imposter Syndrome stronger


- who am I to think I can do this?! ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ



But importantly, your Imposter Syndrome is also a CAUSE of your disorganisation:


โŒ you don't prioritise your own work


โŒ you don't set effective boundaries


โŒ you don't say NO.


Too busy people-pleasing to make the hard decisions about what is the best thing to be doing, for you, right now... ๐Ÿ˜ž



๐ŸŽ O's ACTION


โœจ Your time & energy are like a pile of golden glitter


โœจ This pile isn't endless - so you have to be careful about how & where you sprinkle it


โœจ Don't spread it too thin!


And don't throw it about thoughtlessly... ๐Ÿ˜ฌ



Really think about what will benefit from that glitter, and pile it up!


Be focussed and strategic about how you use your time & energy - and you will get better results ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ช


(And stop reinforcing that Imposter...)



โœด๏ธ P IS FOR PROCRASTINATION ๐ŸŽโœด๏ธ


You know WHAT you want to get done.


But you just can't make yourself do it! ๐Ÿ˜ฌ


And the longer it goes on, the more impossible it feels... ๐Ÿ˜ฑ



Procrastination can be so debilitating - and it's very common when you have #ImposterSyndrome.


โŒ Fear of failure


โŒ perfectionism


โŒ overwhelm


all contribute to this horrible stuckness.



๐ŸŽ P's ACTION


When I notice procrastination (for me, anything I find boring and/or hard, eg sorting out finances... ๐Ÿ˜ฉ)


I remind myself:


๐ŸŒŸ "You can do anything for 15 minutes" ๐ŸŒŸ



I learned this from an American super-cleaner called FlyLady.


โฒ I set a timer, and get started - because really, 15 minutes, how hard can it be? ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ



It works every time ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ช


Once you've got over that initial mountain of inertia and got STARTED, it's so much easier to carry on... ๐Ÿ”ฅ


Try it with anything you notice you're procrastinating over today ๐Ÿ˜




โœด๏ธQ FOR QUESTIONING ๐ŸŽโœด๏ธ


Thoughts aren't real.


My world changed forever when I learned this ๐ŸŒŸ



Just because my #ImposterSyndrome was telling me, "you are a failure" (or whatever your Imposter is telling you)


didn't make it the TRUTH ๐Ÿ˜ฒ



Instead, you have the ability to QUESTION what you have in your head -


which takes away its power ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ช



๐ŸŽ Q's ACTION


When you notice yourself thinking something unhelpful to you, ask yourself that simple but powerful question:


๐Ÿค” "is that really true?" ๐Ÿค”



And then notice how you feel when you realise that it isn't


- which it won't be, most of the time... ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒŸ



Remember,


๐Ÿ”ฅ "the important thing is not to stop questioning"


If Einstein said it, it has to be true... ๐Ÿ˜‰



Conclusion


And that's the Naked Confidence Advent Calendar K - Q! ๐ŸŽ‰


Next week we'll have the final run-up to Christmas with R - Z (including X for Xmas ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽ„).


with festive love ๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿ’–


Kirsten xx


p.s. if you haven't taken my Quiz yet, you can find out which type of Imposter you are by clicking here... ๐Ÿ˜




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