Do you ever feel confused by Contracting? 🤔
Disorientated by DISC?
Hazy about Hynotherapy or non-plussed by NLP...? 🤷♀️
The world of coaching is full of jargon, and it gets bandied about like we all know what it all means.
This week’s blog post is designed to take you from Clueless to Clear!
So you can make a better decision about whether coaching is right for you 😁
Read on to find out more about the meaning of:
Coaching Types (eg Career Coaching vs Life Coaching)
Intro Call/ Discovery Call/ Clarity Cll
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
(And if I've forgotten one, please let me know!)
The exact meaning of the word "coaching" is pretty vague.
The dictionary definition is a bit rubbish: all the ones I’ve found use the word “training” (ie “the job or activity of providing training for people, or helping to prepare them for something”.)
And the one thing all coaches will agree on is that coaching ISN’T training.
The person who trained me as a coach has his own definition: “a powerful conversation that helps you live a life you love”.
I love this for the powerful conversation element - I agree, coaching is definitely a dialogue, not a monologue.
But as a Oxford University historian, the definition I prefer is actually based on the origins of the word.
The word “coach was first used in the sense we mean it now in Oxford University slang from 1830: a “coach” was someone who “carried” a student through an exam.
In other words, it was a person who helped someone get from one place, to another, using their skills and experience.
And that for me is the essence of coaching: it is a process of a transformation - what I often call a journey that I walk with my clients - from one place (physical or mental) to another.
However, it isn’t training: that implies an expert teaching someone else knowledge that they then absorb.
(On our journey, I may also use some elements of training or mentoring with my clients, where I am more directly guiding them - but that isn’t coaching.)
With true coaching, the answers are inside the client - it is the coach’s role (using their expertise) to help the client find that answer.
So for me, I use my career experience and coaching expertise to help my clients go on a journey from Imposter Syndrome and that terrible inner critic, to a place of self-belief - by helping them discover the Naked Confidence already inside them.
✴️ COACHING PROGRAMME
A series of coaching sessions designed to deliver results defined at the beginning (see Contracting).
These might be a set format: a set number of sessions, of a certain length, held at a certain frequency.
Or they could be much more fluid, with the number and frequency determined as the Programme develops.
And they could be online, phone-based or in person, depending on the Programme.
Exactly what type of Programme a client is signing up for should be very clear.
(For example, my signature Coaching Programme, “Banish Your Imposter and Discover Your Naked Confidence contains 7 x 75 minute online coaching held fortnightly (holidays and diaries permitting.)
✴️ COACHING TYPES
Career Coaching vs Executive Coaching vs Leadership Coaching vs High Performance Coaching vs Life Coaching
Apart from Life Coaching, these are all forms of coaching that are used in the workplace.
Career coaching obviously focusses on the career of the client, whoever they are and at whatever stage in their career
Executive coaching is very similar, but usually the term used when senior executives in large corporates are being coached
Leadership coaching (or the subset, Leadership coaching for women) is particularly targeted at helping clients excel as leaders
And High Performance Coaching is all about helping clients excel in the workplace.
So they are all slightly different flavours of the same ice cream (and there are many more!).
Whereas Life Coaching is more like a sorbet: similar to the above, but a bit different, in that it is not focussed on supporting the client’s transformation at work, but instead in the client’s personal life.
✴️ CORE VALUES
“Values” is a bit of a buzz-word - companies now all have values (eg Coca-Cola’s are Leadership, Collaboration, Integrity, Accountability, Passion, Diversity and Quality - very little to do with soft drinks…)
But as human beings, we are values-driven.
Core values are the things that really matter to us deep down: whether that’s Honesty or Ambition; Family or Financial Security.
There will be certain beliefs of ways of being that, when they’re compromised, make us unhappy. It’s hard to have a good relationship if you have different values to your partner.
And this is true in our careers as much as our personal life.
I had a client once who had a core value of Integrity. She worked as a Project Manager in the Finance sector, and hated it.
When we worked together she realised that she was compromising her value of Integrity daily, by having to pretend to be interested in Finance, when she wasn’t.
So she moved to delivering Project Management in the NHS, where she felt much more aligned with their mission - and was much happier.
So however woo woo you think it (see below), this is an important part of the work I do with nearly all clients, and some have found just this small action transformational.
This is the term for what happens at the beginning of a coaching programme, and sometimes a session.
It is an important part of the process, where the coach and the client discuss and agree what the goals are for the Programme (or session), and the terms under which the coaching will be delivered.
So for example, during the contracting at the start of my Coaching Programmes, we discuss:
confidentiality (an important part of any coaching - coaches should be registered with the Information Commissioner and abide by its rules)
logistics, like how the sessions are scheduled and Zoom links sent, whether there will be homework
style questions, like how the client prefers to discuss issues (more directly or more gently); and what to say if you feel you don’t want to answer a particular question (just say, “that’s the wrong question”, and I’ll move on!)
and most importantly, the priorities the client has for what they want from our work together (which I also check at the start of each individual session, in case something new has come up that needs attention that session)
“DISC” is a type of personality profile, or psychometric test, which are forms of analysis designed to categorise you in some way, to help you understand yourself better.
DISC is based on an analysis of where people are against two axes:
people- versus task-oriented
and outgoing and active vs reserved and reflective
After completing some multiple choice questions, your DISC profile gives you a score against four different characteristics:
D: Dominant/ Driver (red)
I: Influencing/ Inspiring (yellow)
S: Steadiness/ Supportive (green)
C: Conscientious, Correct (yellow)
Each person will have a score in each of these areas, but some areas will be higher than others.
And most interestingly, the score can be different depending on whether you’re under stress, or whether it’s what you think other people see in you, or what you see in yourself.
This can provide some real insights into your strengths and areas for growth.
(All my clients receive a DISC personality profile included in their Coaching Programme.)
When you say, “hynotherapy”, many people think of stage hypnotists getting their unconscious subjects to walk like a chicken, or bark like a dog.
Clinical hynotherapy (which is what I'm qualified in) is a bit different.
For a start, no-one can be made to do anything they don’t want to do in a trance.
(People do strange things on stage for other reasons - read Derren Brown’s brilliant book "Confessions of a Conjuror" if you want to find out more.)
You are still aware, you’re just deeply relaxed.
And in that state of deep relaxation you are able to access your unconscious in a way you can’t otherwise.
This can be very powerful - up to 90% of the decisions we make every day can be unconscious.
You may not realise it, but you could regularly be sabotaging yourself because your unconscious has internalised an irrational fear of something, or developed a limiting belief.
I spent two years trying to overcome my persistent lateness - never much, only 5 minutes, but it was like clockwork.
And it took my coach trainer 15 minutes to resolve it for me by unravelling my limiting belief that I was a “late person” by working directly with my unconscious.
I had been sabotaging myself for years - but thanks to that small intervention, because it was done in the right way, to the heart of the problem, I am now an “on time” person.
So used in the right way, hypnotherapy can be incredibly effective.
And it almost never involves a swinging pocket watch, and a “look into my eyes…”.
✴️ INTRO CALL/ DISCOVERY CALL/ CLARITY CALL
These are all basically the same thing: a free chat with a potential coach before you sign up to their services.
However, your experience of these can be very different:
some coaches use a script
they vary in length (anything from 15 minutes upwards)
they might be more (or less) focussed on selling.
Whatever you call them, they are a very good way for you to get a feel for whether you and the coach will work well together - that “fit” is so important.
The "intro call" for my coaching programmes is about me understanding you: your life and career right now; your current mindset; what you want to change; what any long-term goals are.
And it's also about you getting to know me: who I am as a person, and as a coach - my style.
It’s not about selling, it's about seeing if we both fit.
And I allow 45 minutes for mine, because I want to allow us space for a real coaching conversation.
✴️ LIMITING BELIEF
A "limiting belief" is something you believe to be true, that has a negative impact on you.
This could be anything from believing you are shy, to believing you will never be a success.
You will have developed these beliefs at some point in your past, often as a result of the words or behaviour of someone else (especially a caregiver, someone whose opinion your trust).
Or you may have developed them for yourself, as your brain’s way of coping the best it can with the situation it found itself in.
And it may or may not be something you consciously recognise: you could label yourself “I am bad at public speaking”; or it could be subconscious, like my belief I was a “late person”.
But whatever their origin, for something to be a limiting belief it has two main characteristics:
it is unhelpful to you in some way
and it is a story you are telling yourself - it’s not true.
Limiting beliefs can be incredibly powerful - but they can also be changed!
(This is something I work on with my clients a lot - Imposter Syndrome is usually a result of limiting beliefs…)
Mentoring is qualitatively different to coaching.
In mentoring, you more directly support someone to achieve their goals, offering suggestions or advice, or encouraging them down particular paths.
(As opposed to coaching, where the answer always comes from the client.)
It definitely has its place: I mentor my clients as well as coach them.
But it’s important to be really clear about the difference - and when it’s appropriate to use each approach.
✴️ NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP)
The dictionary definition of NLP is: "a therapy designed to alter behaviour by reprogramming unconscious patterns of thought".
As the name suggests, there is a real focus on the brain, and how it works (see neuroplasticity below); and on language, and the words we use both externally and in our head.
The “programming” bit refers to the fact that we develop and run these patterns or habits of thought without realising.
But you can become conscious of them, and re-programme them so they are supportive rather than undermining.
NLP was first invented in the 1970s by two Californian academics, Richard Bandler and John Grinder.
There have been lots of debates about it; but at its heart is an understanding that you can change the way you experience your life by changing the way you think.
There is a very powerful Gandhi quote that sums this up for me:
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”
I know what NLP has done for me - cured my chronic fatigue and panic attacks, and replaced my inner critic with an inner cheerleader.
Plus I can see what the tools I've learned deliver for my clients (I am a highly-qualified NLP coach): profound and permanent internal transformations.
So I use what I know works, and ignore the rest.
This is an incredible power in the brain, where it actually changes its biological make-up depending on the thoughts you think.
Every time you think a thought, you fire a neural pathway in you brain.
Neurons in your brain pass an electrical signal along a chain by firing synapses (like junctions) between them.
Every time you think a thought, that neural pathways becomes stronger (they’ve actually filmed the synapses moving closer together).
This makes it like the path of least resistance - that neural pathway is more likely to be fired in the future. You can think of it like a river carving its way through a canyon - over time, the canyon gets deeper and deeper.
They have evidence of this:
the brains of meditators are different to non-mediators, with more grey matter;
people with chronic stress have larger amygdalae (the emotional bit) and smaller pre-frontal cortices (the logical bit);
and (my favourite), the brains of London taxi drivers who have done The Knowledge - the intensive two year training to learn every route in London (now sadly defunct thanks to the satnav) - are massively developed in their memory areas.
However, this can be a negative, if you’ve been spending years developing really strong but unhelpful neural pathway (like I developed towards chronic fatigue and panic attacks).
But the magic is that you can, with conscious and consistent effort, learn to redirect these unhelpful thoughts in a more positive direction - and your brain’s biology will adapt too.
Over time, and with consistent effort, those negative neural pathways will become weaker and your positive pathways will become the paths of least resistance.
When I learned this, and applied it consistently, it changed my life.
I went from being seriously ill with chronic fatigue for 17 years, to not having one bout in since (over 11 years now).
(To find out more about the Mind-Body Connection, my coach trainer Dr Phil Parker has a fantastic podcast on this subject.)
The brain is AMAZING.
A “re-frame” is a really simple but powerful coaching tool where you choose to look at a particular situation or event in a different way (usually from the negative to the positive).
So for example:
“I didn’t get the job” could be re-framed as “that was a brilliant opportunity for me to practice my interview skills”
“I messed up in that meeting” could be re-framed as “now I know what helps me to prepare better”
“I wish I hadn’t lost my tempter” could be re-framed as “I’ve learned not to engage in serious discussions when I’m tired/ stressed/ hungry”.
It could be dismissed as “finding the silver lining”.
But I believe it is helpful to find the positive in situations for its own sake - it will help you build a more positive brain (see neuroplasticity above), and what feels better usually, focusing on the positive or the negative? Which is more likely to help you move forward constructively?
It is also nearly always an opportunity to identify the learning opportunity from the situation.
As one of my coaching precepts states:
“there is no failure, only feedback”.
(To read more of my coaching precepts, click here for a blog that outlines them in the form of the 12 Days of a Coaching Christmas...)
✴️ SMART GOALS
Goal-setting is crucial in coaching: you define what you are seeking to achieve from your coaching before you start. (If we go with the journey analogy, there is no point just having a "from" - you want a "to"...)
SMART is a very common form of goal-setting, often used as a way to set coaching goals. It stands for:
If a goal doesn’t have all of these characteristics, it is much harder to get motivated to achieve it, or to know when you have.
There are many other different approaches to goal-setting (each with their own acronym!). Have a look at my blog "How to Easily Achieve Your Goals" to find out more.
A “state” is best understood as a “state of mind” - a feeling that you have inside you, or a mindset.
This could be confidence, or calm, or ease, or flow - any state you want.
(Although usually they are positive!)
Recognising your state, and taking action to change it to a state that is more helpful to you - sometimes using a trigger, or anchor (see below), is a really powerful coaching technique that you can learn.
✴️ TRIGGER/ ANCHOR
These are methods you can use to help you access a particular state - to help you feel the feeling you want to feel, quickly and easily.
The best way to describe it is to ask, what do you think of when you smell sunscreen? The answer is usually the beach, or holidays. That is a very powerful smell trigger, or anchor, to a particular place or situation.
(When my daughter was a baby I tried to create a smell trigger towards sleep, but scenting her room with lavender at bedtime - over time, she learned to associate that smell with feeling sleepy, which helped her go to sleep.)
You can create similarly powerful triggers to positive states (like confidence or calm). And you can do it using a different type of anchor, for example a touch anchor (touching your forefinger and thumb together, like the yoga pose, or touching the back of a knuckle).
If you’d like to try this for yourself, I have a couple of guided audios in the Resources section of my website, both to confidence and to calm.
✴️ WOO WOO
A phrase used to describe anything (or anyone) that is a bit alternative.
Being woo woo can be seen as a bad thing, or a good thing, depending on your perspective.
You can also be “woo-adjacent” or “woo-sympathetic” - ie open to ideas like manifestation, but not a 100% believer.
Personally, I am definitely open to a bit of woo woo, but I don’t put my faith in it to provide the solutions.
Ultimately it’s about the actions you take, not about what you believe (or don’t believe).
And I think that actually sums up my approach to coaching!
I believe that if you take consistent, determined action, guided by someone who understands and is skilled enough to help, you can achieve anything.
I hope this glossary has helped illuminate some of the coaching jargon you see flying around.
If you’re ready to move forward and get coaching to help you with you career, banishing that Imposter and helping you discover your Naked Confidence™…
…then please get in touch! 😊
My client list is always either at, or near capacity - but I do have space for one new client in March.
Wishing you a positive, productive and Nakedly Confident week! 😁🔥💪
with much love 💖
p.s. that link again to book into my calendar: https://calendly.com/kirstengoodwin/intro